Daniel P. Barron

If a man entices a virgin who is not betrothed.

Monday, August 17, 2020 

An appeal for advice lead into a conversation about premarital sex.

I've been dating a really nice girl for a few years now, and she wants to have sex. I don't know if I should, and I'm very confused.

Do you fear God?


Then do whatever you want to do, i as you will go to hell anyway. ii "Be unjust." iii

I do not fear the Lord himself. I fear what may happen should I make the wrong choice, or what the correct one even is.

You should fear God, iv and then you would not fear hell. v God forgives so that He "may be feared." vi Job, a saved man, was terrified by God. vii

Do you fear your father? I should hope not. I hope the first thing that comes to mind is love. Though I do fear what my father may think and do, for I make the incorrect choice.

I fear God. I also love God. You have a false fear.

The next day..

I did it. I suppose I'm still not sure how I feel.

Someone else interjected,

Premarital sex is not forbidden. But if you sleep with a virgin, you're supposed to marry them. viii The Bible doesn't really forbid premarital sex. If it was that bad, it would have been a commandment. If you get married, it is completely fine. If you don't get married, you simply repent and move on.

Yes it is forbidden, as you have shown with the verse from exodus. The punishment ix for it is to marry. Why should one repent otherwise?

The passage in exodus is saying don't "entice" (seduce) a virgin. If you've been dating for a little while and you love each other, that's not enticing.

It specifically addresses a virgin "who is not betrothed." In your example, one entices another, "who is not betrothed," to have sex outside of marriage. This is a bad thing. "What God has joined together, let not man separate." x "He who is joined to a harlot is one body with her." xi

The passage from Matthew says don't break up an existing marriage.

It says that if you become one flesh with someone, do not separate. If you are not married to someone that you have sex with, it means that you do not have the intention to obey God's command to not separate.

Marriage makes you one; not sex.

Scripture says that sex also makes you one flesh, and this is why it is an evil thing to do with someone who is not your wife. Marriage indeed makes two fleshes become one, and this is because marriage is an inherently sexual relationship.

If god really wanted to forbid it, he would have been much clearer about it.

He is clear that the punishment for having sex outside of marriage is to get married. You disagree with calling it a punishment. If you were to have sex outside of marriage and not obey this command to get married, you would be deserving of death according to the law. xii

If you want to have premarital sex, give her parents the bride-price.

Or simply be married first; it's not difficult to do.

Moses had two wives. It's not like marriage is sacred between two people.

It's not wrong for a man to have multiple wives.

"Whoever restrains his words has knowledge." xiii From what I see, you are arguing for the sake of arguing; rather than for the sake of the Lord's words, and what you "think they mean." You are continuing to argue over your interpretation of the Lord's words. And it has no purpose.

The purpose is "concerning our common salvation." xiv

  1. Matthew 23:

    31 “Therefore you are witnesses against yourselves that you are sons of those who murdered the prophets. 32 Fill up, then, the measure of your fathers’ guilt.

    Bold added. ^

  2. Amos 4:

    1 Hear this word, you cows of Bashan, who are on the mountain of Samaria,
    Who oppress the poor,
    Who crush the needy,
    Who say to your husbands, “Bring wine, let us drink!”
    2 The Lord God has sworn by His holiness:
    “Behold, the days shall come upon you
    When He will take you away with fishhooks,
    And your posterity with fishhooks.
    3 You will go out through broken walls,
    Each one straight ahead of her,
    And you will be cast into Harmon,”
    Says the Lord.

    4 “Come to Bethel and transgress,
    At Gilgal multiply transgression;
    Bring your sacrifices every morning,
    Your tithes every three days.
    5 Offer a sacrifice of thanksgiving with leaven,
    Proclaim and announce the freewill offerings;
    For this you love,
    You children of Israel!”
    Says the Lord God.

    Bold added. ^

  3. Revelation 22:

    11 He who is unjust, let him be unjust still; he who is filthy, let him be filthy still; he who is righteous, let him be righteous still; he who is holy, let him be holy still.”

    Bold added. ^

  4. Matthew 10:

    28 And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. But rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.

    Bold added ^

  5. Proverbs 19:

    23 The fear of the Lord leads to life,
    And he who has it will abide in satisfaction;
    He will not be visited with evil.


  6. Psalm 130:

    3 If You, Lord, should mark iniquities,
    O Lord, who could stand?
    4 But there is forgiveness with You,
    That You may be feared.

    Bold added. ^

  7. Job 23:

    13 “But He is unique, and who can make Him change?
    And whatever His soul desires, that He does.
    14 For He performs what is appointed for me,
    And many such things are with Him.
    15 Therefore I am terrified at His presence;
    When I consider this, I am afraid of Him.
    16 For God made my heart weak,
    And the Almighty terrifies me;

    Bold added. ^

  8. Citing Exodus 22:

    16 “If a man entices a virgin who is not betrothed, and lies with her, he shall surely pay the bride-price for her to be his wife.


  9. Ecclesiastes 7:

    26 And I find more bitter than death
    The woman whose heart is snares and nets,
    Whose hands are fetters.
    He who pleases God shall escape from her,
    But the sinner shall be trapped by her.

    Bold added. ^

  10. Matthew 19:

    6 So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”


  11. 1 Corinthians 6:

    16 Or do you not know that he who is joined to a harlot is one body with her? For “the two,” He says, “shall become one flesh.”


  12. Numbers 15:

    27 ‘And if a person sins unintentionally, then he shall bring a female goat in its first year as a sin offering. 28 So the priest shall make atonement for the person who sins unintentionally, when he sins unintentionally before the Lord, to make atonement for him; and it shall be forgiven him. 29 You shall have one law for him who sins unintentionally, for him who is native-born among the children of Israel and for the stranger who dwells among them.

    30 ‘But the person who does anything presumptuously, whether he is native-born or a stranger, that one brings reproach on the Lord, and he shall be cut off from among his people. 31 Because he has despised the word of the Lord, and has broken His commandment, that person shall be completely cut off; his guilt shall be upon him.’ ”

    Bold added. ^

  13. Referring to (ESV) Proverbs 17:

    Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding.


  14. Jude 1:

    3 Beloved, while I was very diligent to write to you concerning our common salvation, I found it necessary to write to you exhorting you to contend earnestly for the faith which was once for all delivered to the saints.


2 Responses

  1. [...] Regarding a recent article of mine, someone took exception to me having encouraged someone to sin. [...]

  2. [...] If you aren't married, then it would be wrong for you to have sex. [...]

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