Daniel P. Barron

Banned from Bill’s Seafood

Sunday, April 8, 2018

Bill’s Seafood is this somewhat decent restaurant in Westbrook, Connecticut. The food is not bad considering the prices, it often has live music, and it’s always packed in the summer. Most importantly, it has an outdoor bar which allows smoking.i Unlike The Deck, a nearby restaurant which stupidly forbids smoking at it’s outdoor bar. Being a smoker at Bill’s comes with a huge advantage too: you can bypass the line of people waiting for a table and walk straight up to the bar.ii Anyway, this story is about how I got banned from Bill’s Seafood.

Around the time, I had purchased a custom t-shirt which read “Jesus Christ Caused 9/11”iii on the front, and “Isaiah 45:7”iv on the back. I wore that thing everywhere, and I was wearing it that fateful afternoon. This woman I had seen previously at several karaoke events took notice, and came over to talk about it. It’s worth noting at this point that she had a reputation for flashing her breasts at the KJs.v She’s some middle-aged just-got-new-breast-implants and wants to show them off, if I had to take a guess. Anyway, she talked to me about the Bible for probably half an hour. It didn’t go anywhere; that is, she didn’t seem interested in repenting for her lack of belief. Barside conversations haven’t ever lead to a change of heart, but it’s still good practice, and enjoyable for me nontheless.

Towards the end of our conversation, she insisted multiple times that I grope her breasts. The premise was something like, “does the Bible allow you to do this?” I refused multiple times; I’m not sure it’s forbidden, but scripture does say not to offend people on things not pertaining to salvation,vi and most people don’t want to see a woman getting groped in public. It came to the point where she began to take offense, and I obliged. She eventually went away, I finished my meal, and departed. I didn’t think much of it at the time, but the bartender “asked” if i’d like to exit through the back where the kitchen goes out to the parking lot. I was a little suspicious, and assumed it had to do with my t-shirt, but it was a much quicker way to get out. Cool, whatever.

I showed up a week later, to get myself a burger, a martini, and have a smoke at the bar. Before my drink could be poured, I was escorted out the back again, this time by the general manager. He told me my business was no longer welcome, and I asked why. At this point I was still assuming it was over the shirt. He kept insisting I knew why, but I wanted to hear him say it. Eventually I get him to say the reason, which was this: “you were disrespecting women.” At this point, I had totally forgotten about the breast grabbing. The best I could figure was that it was over the old lady who was passive agressively telling me to stop smoking by suggesting that I “go over to the smoking section,” to which I replied, “I’m already in the smoking section.” I told the manager that he was a liar; that I had done no such thing.

For half a year I would tell the story, focusing on the t-shirt as the reason for the ban. The breast grab was such a minor point I had practically forgotten about it. Technically I was harasssed. If the genders were reversed, it would have gone down much differently. If a woman was pressured into groping a man’s groin, the dude would get kicked right out. But I’m a guy, and I don’t care. The shirt probably had a lot to do with it, and at least one other establishment has banned me for wearing it,vii but in this case the groping was probably the catalyst.

  1. Connecticut is one of those retarded states that made it law: you can’t smoke inside! Unless it’s a private club, or Native American casino on federal land.
  2. Which leads to some funny interactions. Every so often someone tries to shame me into not smoking at the bar, or even sometimes outright telling me it’s not allowed. How do you think you got that seat so quickly? It’s because the line is for people who don’t want to be around smoke! So shove it!
  3. Because Jesus is God, and God creates evil. It’s a perfect union of the most hot-button topics you could ever think to bring up at a bar. Great conversation starter; it even got me a chick’s number.
  4. Isaiah 45:7 I form the light and create darkness,
    I make peace and create calamity;
    I, the Lord, do all these things.

  5. Karaoke Jockeys. The guy who mans the equipment and passes out the mics. And while I’m on that subject, let’s take a moment to shame the ones who like to pretend they are “more than just a karaoke guy.” Who act like they are some hip DJ, making me wait twice as long for my turn to sing because they feel the need to intersperse regular songs inbetween the requests. Nobody shows up to karaoke to hear regular songs, just like nobody shows up at a dance club to sing karaoke. Knock it off already.
  6. 1 Corinthians 10:31 Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. 32 Give no offense, either to the Jews or to the Greeks or to the church of God, 33 just as I also please all men in all things, not seeking my own profit, but the profit of many, that they may be saved.

  7. The Westbrook Elk’s Club for sure, and probably also The Rabbit Hole in Old Saybrook.

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