Daniel P. Barron

There should be no guilt over having sex with a spouse.

Thursday, June 20, 2019 

iamgettinginshape: Advice needed concerning purity culture and my upcoming wedding and honey moon. I need some advice. My fiance (29) and I (30) are waiting to have sex until marriage. We are getting married in June. I was raised in purity culture. I whole-heartedly believe in abstaining until marriage but I am afraid that the purity movement might have some negative impacts on my wedding night, honeymoon and sex life in marriage. On the one hand I am very much looking forward to being intimate with my husband, and on the other hand I feel guilty about longing to have sex with him. Moreover, I am afraid that I won’t be able to enjoy sex with him due to my upbringing and the guilt associate with sex in general and girls liking sex in particular. I know that sex in marriage is God’s plan and supposed to be enjoyed by husbands AND wives but there is some kind of guilt associated with sex for me. My fiance and I have talked about this a lot. He understands me concerns and promised to be patient with me.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? How was the transition from waiting to enjoying married intimacy? Did you get over feeling guilty? Do you have any advice for me?

Thank you very much.

Daniel: First of all, if you consider yourselves married right now, you can go ahead and have sex. Then you can have the party later. This is not wrong in the eyes of God. Secondly, I think your body will figure out how to enjoy it. It's a very natural and pleasant experience. Just cuddle up and the rest just kinda follows. There's no guilt if you are committed to stay together until death.

realclearmews: Aside from this not being right, it’s not very good advice for someone with guilt from purity culture.

Daniel: How is it not right? Show me the scripture!

realclearmews: You know it’s not right but want to hide from it by arguing with others. Not biting.

Daniel: You don't have scripture to show because it doesn't exist. The Bible never forbids getting married without a license or ceremony. I know that I am right, and I'm arguing with others so that they will likewise believe the truth and be spared from eternal destruction.

realclearmews: That’s not what you’re recommending and it furthermore doesn’t make your advice appropriate for someone coming out of purity culture.

Daniel: That's exactly what I have recommended. "Be married in your heart." That's all it takes. As for the feeling guilt, they feel this way because they don't believe the Bible. There should be no guilt over having sex with a spouse. The advice then is, believe the whole Bible!

Darwin: Amen! I think it would have been good to add Isaac's example: "Then Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah's tent; and he took Rebekah and she became his wife, and he loved her." (Genesis 24:67). That's it, they were married. No license needed, ceremony, etc.. It is a sad deal, the "purity" culture is actually anti-purity (antichrist, antiscripture, anti - God's ways) and creates an environment that encourages immorality, because of the unscriptural road blocks against sex and marriage (ceremony, license, etc.). Two people who are in love ought to be able to love each (which includes sexual intercourse) committing themselves to each other for life without all the baggage the world puts on them. Joshua said, "My yoke is easy and My burden is light." (Matthew 11:30). This is a good example where "His commandments are not burdensome" (1 John 5:3), but false Christianity's are. As the Jews of old, "they bind heavy burdens, hard to bear, and lay them on men's shoulders" (Matthew 23:4).

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  1. [...] There should be no guilt over having sex with a spouse. "Even something that wastes a man's seed?" It's not wrong to "waste seed." [...]

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